There at the T junction at Wray, bottles of energy drink were removed from the retaining racks on our bikes and we drank a toast to what we had thus far accomplished. Then off went the others and I tagged on the back and watched them go ever further ahead of me, hoping that at an appropriate moment they would wait for me to catch up, most of the time they did, sometimes they forgot the old bloke and I was left scratching my head and wondering which way to go, however having done the ride once before, I was ok most of the time if they went too far ahead as I had a good memory of which way to go.
I got thinking about my response to the news that we were now half way and from now on there were more miles behind that there would be in front. One thing in particular that I had been anxious about as we set off on this particular journey was my physical ability, at my age, of cycling this kind of distance, and this had a real resonance with my inner journey and the growing of my soul. The resources of the first half of life’s journey would not be up to seeing me through the second part of the journey. I guess that mid-life and the struggles, that for so many come with it, start when one realises that there are fewer years ahead than there are behind and when you are forced to look at whether or not you have achieved the goals you set yourself or, more important, whether those goals now have any relevance at all. I became very aware of my mortality and upon realising that time was limited, a desire to ask myself what my future priorities ought to be, or put another way, how could I creatively spend my time given the limitations that advancing years would inevitably place upon me? This was sobering, but at the same time creative. It meant I had to focus and be realistic. The fact that I was always condemned by my years to be the tail end Charlie on this trip was frustrating, but it also fulfilled an image I have had of myself in general terms for as long as I can remember, i.e. I’ll get there in the end but probably take twice as long as most other people. This perception got challenged on this trip and I was able to face the frustration and do something positive with it. Several riders we met on the road seemed impressed that, at my age, I had attempted this ride at all and I was beginning to be able to admit to myself that this was in fact quite an achievement. I had in the past never been very good at giving myself credit for my achievements, I rather took the attitude, “well if I can do it there can’t be much to it, anyone could do it”. I started to look back over my life as I cycled along and began to thank God for all those who saw potential in me and had the courage to tell me what they felt and helped me on the road to being what I have become. As I rode along, I was hoping that I too play that role for others, it is vitally important to be, “a Son of Encouragement”.
The road from Wray descended until the village of Cressingham, where we hit a short sharp ascent and then a similarly short sharp descent after which the road was somewhat lumpy until, just shy of forty miles into the day’s ride, we descended into Kendal. From there we took the road via Staveley to Windermere. As normal the others were ahead of me. Windermere was very busy with tourists and so I had to weave in and out of people crossing the road and I went wrong and ended up heading out of town on the wrong road. I thought I had gone wrong, one of my famous gut feelings, and tried to confirm this by ringing various members of the team, all to no avail. So, I turned around and headed back through the bustling streets of Windermere, again avoiding suicidal holiday makers, and headed out of town on the only other main road. Sure enough, I found the others tucking into lunch in a layby next to a large Parish Church. To put it mildly in true Elfred fashion (my parents would have been proud) I was not best pleased but didn’t really express my anger. In fact, if I am brutally honest, I felt dumped by the others and was extremely pissed off. Nobody apart from Julia seemed to notice the steam coming out of my ears. She instantly picked up on my mental state and was able to talk me down to the point where I could be civil to the others and also felt like eating my much-needed lunch. I discovered later that Henry had come in search of me when I did not turn up soon after the others arrived at the church, but we must have missed each other in the crush of humanity in the town centre. So, my judgement of the others was perhaps a little harsh but then, when it comes to emotions, you feel what you feel and there is a need to express it and thus defuse it, particularly if it is negative and potentially aggressive. Reality checking your feelings before responding is also in my view a good idea so I am rather glad that Julia defused that eighth day.
“Tail End Charlie!”
Ezekiel's Wheels 