Thou Shalt Look Cool

 

“The Ten Commandments of Cycling”.

• Thou shalt always wear a helmet when riding.
• Thou shalt not get hungry
• Thou shalt not get thirsty
• Thou shalt stay warm
• Thou shalt at all times be as visible as possible.
• Thou shalt train for several months at least before a long ride.
• Thou shalt have adequate back up.
• Thou shalt carry tools that match your bike.
• Thou shalt carry a spare innertube.
• Thou shalt develop proper road skills prior to the trip.

As will be seen over the coming weeks, not all the riders on this trip kept these commandments at all times but at least they had their own priest to grant absolution when they transgressed!

After a large cooked breakfast at Penzance Youth Hostel I felt ready for almost anything. I had done this ride before and I knew what was coming which was enough to humble anyone: the 11^th Commandment is “Thou shalt respect the road!”

We checked bikes, pumped up tyres, put bikes up on the cycle racks, packed cars and headed to Land’s End.  As we arrived in the car park the heavens opened with a veritable deluge; great start and, as it happens, déjà vu, for this was almost a repeat of the start of the 2013 ride. I could imagine Dad saying, “Just my luck!” I made an executive decision to give it time to pass rather than starting the ride and getting soaking wet but, knowing my past failures in weather forecasting, I made no promises as to when, or even if, this might be.  It persisted in hammering down but just as I was about to give up and suggest that we would just have to get wet it stopped as suddenly as it started.  So, everyone got out of the support vehicles, took the bikes of their racks, put on our yellow team T shirts and headed to the legendary signpost where we joined a short queue of apprehensive cyclists to have our team photo taken.

Now I don’t know if you have been to Land’s End recently?  When I first visited it back in the 1960’s there was nothing much there apart from a car park, a wonderful seascape view and the signpost.  Nowadays to get to the signpost you have to pass through a plethora of amusements, restaurants and shops, including a branch of the ubiquitous Edinburgh Wool Mill.  As it isn’t actually the most southerly point in Great Britain perhaps it should be renamed “Naff’s End”.  The other thing that aims to catch you out is that the signpost announces how far it is to John O’ Groats (874 miles) but it is only accurate if you happen to be a crow and can fly in a straight line; actually, we would be cycling just shy of 1000 miles.

Photoshoot completed we headed off to the start line.  I couldn’t help noticing that somewhere between the signpost and the start line on the road from the car park all the yellow T shirts had mysteriously disappeared to be replaced by a host of various tops advertising all kinds of cycling kit.  What happened to team spirit?  The practical outcome of this however is I now own a large number of yellow T shirts most of which don’t fit me, and all sporting a different name on the back.  I doubt I’ll live long enough to wear them all out.  Message to self, don’t bother with team T shirts in future, they are not considered cool.

Fairly quickly the team amassed but I looked around and realised that Ollie was missing.  Several minutes passed and I was beginning to feel what I would imagine a racehorse feels as it paws the ground waiting for the start of the Epsom Derby.  After what seemed like an age he arrived and it turned out he had been rummaging around in his kit in the back of Big Cav trying to decide, given the light conditions, which lenses to wear in his cycling glasses.  I hoped that Ollie had got the lenses right, after all a young man of his age has to look cool at all times particularly on a bike.  He once made some quite cutting and scornful remarks about my sun glasses (picked up for next to nothing at Heathrow Airport), but at my age I don’t care what they look like as long as they do the job.  Once Ollie arrived, completely oblivious of other team members starting to grumble using expressions like “Faffer!” and other words and phrases beginning with “F”, we were off down the road.

I was relieved to have got going at a reasonable time despite the weather and fashion issues.  However, this sense that all was well and we were finally on our way did not last long.  After a few miles we got a call on the radio to say that Jo and Julia couldn’t find the car keys for Big Cav which they had lent to Ollie.  Ollie stopped, searched his pockets, couldn’t find them and couldn’t remember what he had done with them and so he headed of back to Land’s End at the kind of pace a straggler might attain when trying to catch up with a peloton.  Calm once again descended when the keys were found on the roof of Big Cav (well where else would you put them?) and Ollie re-joined the group as we headed into outskirts of Penzance.  Maybe the 12th commandment is, “Thou shalt strive at all times to look cool!”